It’s a heart warming story and I related well with it. I literally cried everytime I turned a page because I remembered my own parents and our own dysfunctional relationship. I resented my parents with more than one reasons and I think they they know it. They don’t explain things, they expected me to understand and  accept things but I’m not one who just accepts easily. It should have logic. And with all these lies and deception that surrounded our messy family life stood an unspoken truth that no matter what happens we will always be a family, by name or whatever connections we can ever hoped for. I always see it as titular. And I believe that I’m fine on my own, away from the drama.

 

After reading the book, it occured to me that all I care about was ME. I don’t care how my mother struggled for us. She who  fought life harder because it was hard on her. She who lied to us for whatever reasons (It maybe because she doesn’t want to hurt us or to see her less than what she portrays). She wasn’t perfect. Heck she wasn’t even the best mother around. For the most part, while she tried to cover her flaws, the more I see them. She’s a liar and manipulative. And maybe she doesn’t show her love but I cannot question her love. Certainly she loved us the ONLY she knew how. I cannot hold her against that because people are different. Sure she wasn’t physically there but I turned out okay. My siblings and I turned out fine. She bore children with good heads on their shoulder and I guess that makes her feel secured. That if she will no longer be here, she wouldn’t worry as much.

 

Mother, I know I have not been the most doting daughter. I’m not who listens to you, in fact most if the time I ignore you. I’m sorry for not being the daughter you hoped I would be. I didn’t accomplished much yet but I hope you’re proud that I did fine in everything that I chose to do. You were never really imposing and you let me be. You let me have fun, you let me test my limit, you let me learn things, you let me hurt, you let me be disappointed and all those times I feel so crappy with no one to talked to.  But now I realized that maybe you did those becauseyou knew EXPERIENCE is the best teacher and in one way or another I will be hurt. I will be disappointed and I will cry. You knew you could not protect me from those feelings. And I resented you for it. Because you were the one who taught me those hard-life lessons. You were supposed to be the one who should shield me from all those things. And yet, you did exactly the opposite. Gradually, I came to understand your intentions. Bit by bit, I see how you want me to learn from all these. And you weren’t afraid that I would hate you, you knew that time will come when we could meet eye to eye. It might still be a long shot, but inching my way there. I’ll get there mother, and I really wanted to say that I don’t hate you anymore. A little resentment still lingers but someday, it will completely vanish. For now, let’s just make this newfound understanding between us prosper.