Happy

♫♫Happy…sha-la-la…it’s so nice to be happy…♫♫

My weirder flipside

Sometimes, when I am idle and the weather is gloomy, I think.

I think to the point that my head hurts.

And I can’t think anything else other than my headache.

But ramblings aside, I know and understand and have long accepted it that I have two sides that I present to the world. When I am left alone, I am mostly melancholic and introverted but when I am with people I am comfortable with, I am random, blunt, goofy, silly and out-going.

Sometimes I get confused because there are moments that even with these comfortable people I feel alienated and I want to sulk and wallow in my self-imposed misery, but I have a facade to keep up. For most people, I am a carefree person who laughs spontaneously and do silly things to entertain them.

But I get tired too.

And I can’t keep up with the expectation.

So which side is the real me?

I reckon, I am both sides.

But people will never get both sides (unless they are lucky enough).

It’s always this side and on the flipside.

And…

At times I wonder if I have really moved on.

And most of the times, in spite of my will not to care at all, I still give a freaking care.

Because I CARE.

And I can’t explain it.

You made me feel stupid and tired and sad.

And you don’t even know it.

Or perhaps you do,

But you don’t care enough to tell me.

Wait, is it the other way around?

I don’t care enough to tell you how you’ve broke me over and over again. I was ledt to pick up the pieces and just when I thought I finally had it together, you shatter me once more. And the vicious and painful cycle repeats. And I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try.

It’s like Hide and Seek.

I hide and you seek.

And ALWAYS, you were the ‘it.’

But you do not play fair.

And I always, always fall on your friggin trap.

And I hate myself because I can’t seem to resist your theatrics.

Abuse me,

I will not fight back.

I surrender against my emotions.

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

I don’t want to do this anymore.

Let go.

Let me go.

5 Ft.

Somewhere

 

For One More Day

There’s a story behind everything.

How a picture got on a wall.
How a scar got on your face.
Sometimes the stories are simple,
and sometimes they are hard and heartbreaking.

But behind all your stories is always your mother’s story,
because hers is where yours begin.

A New Day

Someday, everything will make sense.

I feel lucky in every sense of the word.

I am lucky.

I am blessed.

Thank you Lord. ♥

Irysh

EMO OVERLOAD.

Let’s be corny maski karon lng. CHAR! Good luck and God Bless in your new endeavor.

I know I’ll miss you.

I’ll miss our “heart moments” with _____.

Our “twinkling eyes” with ______.

Our “cheeky smiles” with ______.

I’ll miss our love-mostly hate relationship.

I’ll miss our late-night chows at dimsum.

I’ll miss our jeepney rides after PM & noc shifts. (Who will be my taxi mate now?)

I’ll miss our heart to heart talks.

I’ll miss our VS moments.

DARN!!!

I will freaking simply miss you!!!!

(INSERT TEARY EYES HERE)

Oh,

well

:’(

Anyway, remember: IF THERE’S A WILL THERE’S A WAY.

So, to your new adventure, have fun, meet lots of new friends, gain knowledge.

I HEART YOU MANGHUD!!!!

Didja?

Maybe I was just really showing the opposite of what I truly feel in the hopes of fooling myself. I do not want to make a facade and mislead people of who I really am. I am both what I show. If I express the very opposite of what I feel that’s because I don’t want to succumb to my own feelings. I do not want to be a slave of my own emotions. I think it’s enough that I accept my own flaws and understand it in the extent of how I want to understand it. No one cannot question me and no one has the right to judge me. I may come out as outgoing and witty person, sometimes, carefree and seemingly happy even though I am precisely feeling anything but. My reality varies according to how I view the world. each day. If I’m pissed then everything else looks a bit different, and I get irritated in simple actions. If I’m sad I listen to emo songs and write poems. And sometimes I simply cry. But most of the time, I’m perfectly all right. I love to smile, crack jokes and be silly. I’m glad that I can make people happy. I think that’s what most important.

I’ll Always be your HARBOR :For Jade

credit: PurelyEmotive

We’re here where the daylight begins
The fog on the streetlight slowly thins
Water on water’s the way
The safety of shoreline fading away

Sail your sea
Meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor

Fear is the brightest of signs
The shape of the boundary you leave behind
So sing all your questions to sleep
The answers are out there in the drowning deep

Sail your sea
Meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor

You’ve got a journey to make
There’s your horizon to chase
So go far beyond where we stand
No matter the distance
I’m holding your hand

Sail your sea
Meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor

Sail your sea
Meet your storm
All I want is to be your harbor
The light in me
Will guide you home
All I want is to be your harbor 

Me & Jade’s Convo Tidbits

Part 1

August 20, 2009

jadey8315: i hate people leaving
dyansungit: because you are the one being left behind?
jadey8315: yup.especially if im close to that person
dyansungit: but that’s how life works right?
dyansungit: it’s either ur the one leaving or the one being left behind…
jadey8315: yup…i have to learn to deal with that
jadey8315: im tryng
dyansungit: well it takes a while

—–

part 2

August 25, 2009

jadey8315: im having a tea
jadey8315: with friends
dyansungit: wats up with that?
jadey8315: ewww
dyansungit: hahaha
dyansungit: it sounds like some old english movie
jadey8315: why?
dyansungit: cause the old ladies like having tea
jadey8315: anyway im with the old people
jadey8315: harharhar
dyansungit: kaya pla
dyansungit: tea reminds me of old ladies with white hairs and strands of pearls around their necks
jadey8315: rich one
dyansungit: yeah
dyansungit: with golden tea cups or something
jadey8315: and mean
jadey8315: hahahaha
dyansungit: tas they gossip about their neighbors
jadey8315: that’s what we are doing ryt now
jadey8315: hahahahaha
dyansungit: hahaha
dyansungit: ur one of them na
jadey8315: so?
jadey8315: hahahaha
dyansungit: wala lng 

People (Mostly from work)

be tolerant to those we like,

and very critical to those whom we dislike.

Because like in every situation, we choose how to react to things.

——————————————-

Just because you’re there for four or five years, that doesn’t mean you know everything. That you are perfect, that you do not fail, that you are always right. I think it’s called superiority complex. I maybe new, but I know my place. It’s starting to frustrate me how you act so high and might every freaking day. Sure, I acknowledge your seniority over me. You have had experiences I have never encountered. You are one of the best (you think) but in my opinion, you just as shallow as you look. You are just pretending to be Miss Little Perfect, when someone questions you, you resolve to less professional behavior by screaming, projecting your frustrations or “mag dabog dabog”. You look mean and you act mean. Please, get a mirror and look at yourself closely. Do you want your juniors to look at you like some kind of an evil witch? Because to me, you’re starting to look like one. 

———————————————-

I’m practicing my tolerance so that I can be civil to the people who think they know everything, I’m stretching my patience to the people who act like they are the center of the universe, to the people who kill happiness off from others, to the people who want the world to be at their mercy, to the people who can’t handle their emotions properly.

Mama (Not My Real Mother)

Just stop nagging and projecting your emotions. It’s starting to get into my nerves.

Nanay

  

"K" the REPEAT

I’m starting to dislike you. :/

The LoveLove Project

ii

May 18, 2009

BGM: Arco; Perfect World

I think I’m in love with love itself. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. But thinking about love in general makes me a bit happy. I used to be a cynic. A non-believer. Because I’ve seen a love that became darker and twisted. It shaped my disillusioned concept of the four letter word L-O-V-E. But, ever since I’ve started loving love, I feel light hearted. I just hope that soon love will find me. Somehow, I don’t want to sit around and just wait for it to come by nor do I want to search the feeling of connection in every unmarried man I meet on the street. Love is strange. They say, “The quickest way to receive love is to give love and the best way to keep love is to give it wings”. How do you let love fly? I’ve just planted my seed of love, in time, it’ll grow; little by little. I need to be patient now and not lose faith in love. Because I believe that my love will find its way to you.

The LoveLove Project

© dcec April2009

Intro:

This idea was brewing in my brain for the longest time but I’m too lazy to actually give writing short stories a try, so this piece, I wanted it to be kind of personal. This is supposed to be my journey in finding my love, whatever that is. Technically, I mean love of the opposite sex but since I started becoming a proper tax payer I’ve actually stopped mulling about the thing they call love. I’ll be posting two finished chapters and hopefully, I’ll be able to continue this and thus, indeed, a journey of finding love. ♥Yan♥

The Love-Love Project

A Diary of Finding Love

Do you find love?

Or love does find you?

I say, “This is the day I’m gonna fall in love!”

If only it would materialize.

So, I say it again differently,

“This time, I’m really gonna fall in love!”

i

April 29, 2009

BGM: Lene Marlin; Another Day

Pilar, on “By the River Piedra, I Sat Down and Wept” said:

“A fall from a third floor hurts just as much as fall from a hundredth. If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.”

To love is to hurt but it’s part of the gamble that eventually in the end balances itself. I’ve never been in love. That’s the problem. Twenty three years has passed and when I look back in my teenage years, I felt I wasted it all. I wasn’t ugly. Sure I don’t really look as pretty as most celebrities but I’d like to believe I’m enough to be described as cute. But no one wanted me, actually that’s beside the point, because I never wanted anyone at that point in time. Sure there were crushes but they only went as far as they can go; which was to remain as crushes. And so, year by year I watched my friends being taken away by their very own princes. I was fine with it until recently I realized how incomplete my life had been because I didn’t let love in. Maybe I was naïve. I overlooked the most important thing in this world just because I had other concerns; irrelevant and trivial worries.

But I’m ready to embrace love. In all its entirety; the hurts, the smiles, the heart thumping and the excitement along with the pain, tears and hurts. All of it, I am ready to accept. Because it’s alright to fall. It’s alright to bleed. It’s alright to cry. It’s all right, in the name of love.

Wherever you are, whoever you are; let your love find its way to me and let my love find its way to you…

D v.2

For my eldest brother 

I see Pajero’s and think of you.

I see McDonald drive thru’s and think of you.

I see Mandarin Tea Garden and think of you.

I see you in the streets we used to pass by,

I see you in the restaurants we used to eat from,

I see you everywhere.

We may have not been the closest siblings, we may have so many petty fight way back when I was younger, but somehow, as we grew older we managed to bridge the gap and be connected. Thank you for being there. Thank you for being a ttue family. I may not be the sweetest and nicest sister (I’m your only sister by the way :p) but I kinda missed having you around. Fine. I really do miss you bro.

Take care!

D v.1

I don’t know what happened but we were so close back then. Suddenly it’s like I don’t know you anymore. You used to talk to me about anything under the sun and we used to laugh at the same jokes. Was it because we aged? Was it because we no longer move with the same crowd? What’s wrong with us. I used to find comfort in talking to you, I used to love hearing your love life and funny stories about your friends. That’s the thing…I used to, but right now, it’s like we’re both strangers living in the same roof. It felt uncomfortable talking to you now. I wish we could back being our old silly selves and just talk like friends. I don’t know what’s wrong with you and I probably should stop analyzing whatever actions you’ve made. People change, I should have known better. But I just didn’t think that a family will change so much. He was the closest to me among all my other family members and I am hurt that he’s acting all bratty on me. He’s always been like that but these days, I can’t seem to take anymore of his tantrums.

Everything is so different now, and as much as I would like it to remain in the sweet end of the bargain, I know that I have to deal with the present. He’s already a different person. He changed and so am I.

Jonathan

 Ode to you. May you rest in peace in the warm embrace of our Lord

Like all things,

We are born,

Like all things,

We came from somewhere,

Like the fallen leaves,

We kiss the ground for the last time,

Before we disappear indefinitely,

And gain eternal happiness with the Creator.

Like all things…

We end.